Highlights: Dylan Harper and Devin Vassell light up from downtown in Spurs win over the 76ers

Poke the bear and you get the horns. Something like that. Everyone and their tax advisor knew that coming off their first lost in 10 games, the Spurs would come out swinging on Tuesday night. Boy howdy, did they wax the cow off that haystack.

Devin Vassell and Dylan Harper both had a game high of 22 points, while Victor Wembanyama slept walked his way to 10 points, 8 rebounds, with 3 steals and 6 blocks. 6 blocks. 6 blocks in 24 minutes of play. I couldn’t get 2 blocks on my daughter’s Fisher Price basketball goal in 6 years of play.

What a smooth shot. Devin Vassell, here, hoisted up a shot with such a perfect arch that even the CEO of McDonald’s was so impressed he forgot he was eating his own product that his company dispenses.

Filthy. Just filthy. So filthy, the dust cloud around Pig Pen spontaneously combusted from the sheer force of Victor Wembanyama’s slamma jamma.

Well, that’s just. That’s just rude, man. Stephon Castle just simply exorcising whatever demons he has onto the rim.

I am work shopping an alternative to “Area 51.” Don’t get me wrong, I love Area 51. But these two have an inexplicable mind meld going on whenever they share the court that it can only be described as ESP (extrasensory perception).

Hey, remember when I was just talking about ESP? Did you know that the late, great Dennis Hopper did a commercial praising the exploits of Troy Aikman and Michael Irvin? Well now you do.

Here, Devin Vassell channeled his inner Robin Hood and stole from the rich to give to the robo-advisors. On a team of Victor Wembanyams, Stephon Castles, and De’Aaron Foxes, it’s easy to forget that Devin Vassell is stacking together games played in this stretch run as he helps lead the Spurs to the playoffs.

Another day, another way for Stephon Castle to dunk his way into our hearts. He’s like Shia LeBouf in Transformers (2007): plucky, surprisingly good, and you really don’t mind the Linkin Park soundtrack even if hearing anything Linkin Park makes your ears taste Red Bull even if you like your Red Bull to taste like emo.

Look, I want to apologize from above for comparing our beloved Stephon Castle to Linkin Park. No offense to Linkin Park, but your nu metal/rap rock/alternative metal/electronic rock/pop rock is not enough to describe my love and admiration of Stephon Castle’s game. And I once went to a music festival (it was actually the State Fair of Texas) featuring Linkin Park with 30 Seconds From Mars opening for Linkin Park. But after my friend and I watched 30 Seconds From Mars (purely for Jared Leto) (it was the year when “Dallas Buyers Club” was an Oscar darling) open for Linkin Park, we skipped the main act (Linkin Park) to get a giant fried turkey leg because it’s Texas, and that’s what you do at the State Fair of Texas in 2014.

Dylan Harper out here in his bag waiting for us to say (in my best Stanley Tucci voice) “Girl, that Louis Vitton does not deserve to be hung off your arm.”

Julian Champagnie had no sense of dithering when he served up this soft lob to Luke Kornet to reward the big man for his block and hustle on the defensive end.

In a true display of overflowing of talent, the Spurs unleashed Carter Bryant to the tune of 25:35 minutes where he wreaked upon the basketball world a barrage of 11 points, 9 rebounds, and 3 assists in those almost 26 minutes. Feast your eyes as our young prodigy takes to the air in an aerial display of magnanimous marvel.

Nostalgia is just one heck of a PED. Now give us Ahmad Rashad hosting “NBA Inside Stuff.”

If you missed the game because you were too busy cataloguing your CD collection of Papa Roach, Limp Bizkit, and Evanescence, here are the full-game highlights:

Next up, the Spurs return home after a long road trip to take on the Detroit Pistons on Thursday, March 5, 2026.